~!~JOKES~!~ you're allowed to insert yours too~

Lmao read this... WARNING 18+

A young couple are out for a romantic walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll the guy's lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind but I really do need to pee."

Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK. Why don't you go behind this hedge."

She nods agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches a hand through the hedge and touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly and with great astonishment finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs.

He shouts in horror, "My God Mary ... have you changed your sex?"

"No," she replies. "I've changed my mind, I'm having a shit instead."

Son (S) : Why is making love so enjoyable.
Father (F) : It is just like the sensation when you are digging your nose with your finger !!

S : Why do women enjoy sex more than man
F : It is because when you dig your nose, your nose feels more comfort than your finger.

S: Why do women hate it when they get raped .
F: It is like when you are walking on the street,someone else come over and dig your nose, do you like it ??

S: Why woman cannot have sex when they are having menstruation?
F: If your nose is bleeding, do you still dig it ??

S: Why man do not like to wear condoms when they are making love.
F: Do you like to dig your nose with a glove on your finger.

S: Why are making love carried out in private?
F: Will you dig you nose in front of your class? Stupid!

S: What is an orgasm ?
F:The same as sneezing. but the the other way round

S: Is it true that women love big dicks ?
F: Ever tried picking your nose with your thumb ?

S: What's anal sex?
F: Picking your mouth

ARE YOU DIGGING ENOUGH ?

lool i got racists jokes but not allowed D;

Edit: Your Mum So Fat that when God said Let There Be Light He Asked Your Mum To Move over o.o

Lol~.~ c'mon show me!!

One day a girl named ,Free-To-View, wearing a mini skirt walking down the street.
2 horneh boys ask her to climb up an apple try to pluck apple for them.
Then her mum, Pay-To-View saw what she did, so when Free-To-View arrived home, she got scolded nicely.
Pay-To-View told her not to do that because they just wanna see her panties.
Second day the girl was walking down the street again.
The 2 boys are still there and asked her climb on that tree again and they said they will pay this time.
Her mother saw that again and scolded her nicely.
She told her mum she was very clever today because she never wear panties so they cant see her panties!!!

Mr.Q and Mr.A jokes

Q: What kind of underwear did Zeus, Lord of Olympia, wear?
A: T-t-t-t-t-thunderwear.

Q: What is the frog favourite drink?
A: Croack-Croack-Croack-Croacka Cola!

Q: What happen if you see Chuck Norris are running around your house?
A: He'll come in front of you and kick you in the ass.

Q: How come a baby is growing smaller and smaller instead of bigger and bigger?
A: Because he's combing his hair with a potato peeler

Q: Why did the person say nothing is impossible?
A: Because the person obviously never tried to slam a revolving door.

----Little Johneh----
Joke 1. Little Johny went to a book store and bought some books with SOME 10% discount tickets. (He has 10). When he about to leave the store after paying 10 x 10% discount tickets, the book shopkeeper asked him,
"Hey boy, why did you pay me with 10 discount tickets?"
Little Johny replied,
"Hey you old man, did you just failed your mathematics test? Can't you count? 10 x 10% discount tickets equal to 100%, which means, FREE."

Bill Gates dies and goes to hell.

Satan greets him: Welcome Mr Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.

Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions.

Finally he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a Beautiful young blonde with an alluring look on her face sitting at a table on which there is a bottle of the finest wine. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says: I'll take this option.

Fine, says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around he bumps into Lucifer.

That was Bill Gates! cried Lucifer. Why did you give him the best place of all!

That's what everyone thinks, snickered Satan but the bottle has a hole in it and the girl didn't have any....

What about the PC?

It's got Windows 95! laughed Satan. And it's missing three keys.

Which three?

Control, Alt and Delete.

A man with a 25-inch long penis goes to his doctor to complain that he is unable to get any women to have sex with him. They all tell him that his penis is too long. "Doctor," he asks in total frustration, "Is there any way you can shorten it?" The doctor replies, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do know this witch who may be able to help you out." So the doctor gives him directions to the witch.


The man calls upon the witch and relays his story. "Witch, my penis is 25-inches long and I can't get any women to have sex with me. Can you help me shorten it?"
The witch stares in amazement, scratches her head, and then replies, "I think I have a solution to your problem. What you have to do is go to this pond deep in the forest. In the pond, you will see a frog sitting on a log who can help solve your dilemma. First you must ask the frog, will you marry me? Each time the frog declines your proposal, your penis will be five inches shorter."
The man's face lights up and he dashes off into the forest. He calls out to the frog, "Will you marry me?"


The frog looks at him dejectedly and replies, "NO!"


The man looks down and suddenly his penis is 5 inches shorter. "Wow," he screams out loud, "This is great!!" But he is still too long at 20 inches, so he asks the frog again." "Frog, will you marry me?" the guy shouts.


The frog rolls its eyes back in its head and screams back, "NO!"


The man feels another twitch in his penis, looks down, and it's another 5 inches shorter. The man laughs, "This is fantastic." He looks down at his penis again, 15 inches long, and reflects for a moment. Fifteen inches is still a monster, just a little less would be ideal. Grinning, he looks across the pond and yells out, "Frog, will you marry me?"


The frog looks back across pond shaking its head, "How many times do I have to tell you? NO, NO, and for the last time, NO!"

LOL calculate urself..

Little johneh on the stage again ~.~

Little Johnny's at it again..... A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'
***************
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissu e. 'What's the matter,Mommy?' asked Little Johnny. 'You Giving up?'
****************
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said,
'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'
****************
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.' Little Johnny asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?'